How I learned to say No in the design world

Learning how to advocate for myself, set boundaries, and keep going in a tech startup straight out of college.

I can’t lie, this was an intuitive flow that caught me while I was washing dishes today. Let’s call it the full moon in Aquarius, being in solitude, and getting the download that it’s not only time to write but to make things right for me.

I was rinsing a dish when I realized, “Oh sh*t, I’ve always been a leader. I’ve always known how to lead. I just never felt comfortable taking credit for what I do.”

Mhm…… yup

I realized I learned how to say no and give opportunities to others happily a very long time ago, but this was seen as not doing enough and not being eager enough to “take on more responsibility”. This was connecting me from where I’m at now, August 2025 about to turn 26, to where I was in August 2023, 22 and getting ready to ask for a promotion when I was working in corporate. But the why for this story started way before. *Hint at the incoming 2 year cycling coming in three’s, its giving 222.*

Let’s go back in time a bit.

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Chapter 1: Before I Knew

Fall 2021.
I was doing a lot: freelancing, going to school, working as an intern… all while navigating a slow breakup that felt like pulling a Band-Aid off one millimeter at a time (10/10 do not recommend).

My body was fried.

Stress-induced sicknesses kept knocking me down, and I didn’t even realize how deep the burnout was (or that I even had it) until everything went quiet.

That was during winter break 2021; it was the first stillness I’d had in months.

No classes. No internship. Just me, my puppy, and a lot of time to think.

And it hit me: I could not keep living and working the way I had been. Something had to change.

So I made myself a promise, a quiet one:
When I step into my next season, I am protecting my energy. I am doing things differently. And maybe… just maybe… I’ll get to sleep like a normal human again.

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Chapter 2: The New New Chapter

February 2022. I started my first tech job.
Everything felt fresh, fast, and full of possibility, you know, the startup high. And that first year? Loved it. Amazing. I felt like I finally belonged, like I was growing into someone new, like I was fully supported and seen as a valuable part of my team. That I had a bright future with the company as a fresh-faced college student.

But by summer 2023, the shine started to dull.

I got my first raise… about 2%. You read that right, two.

I’m not saying I expected champagne and a yacht, but maybe something that could at least cover my rent increase?

On top of that, I was indirectly guided into what was essentially a demotion. I didn’t fully understand what had happened until September, but I knew somethin ain’t right.

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Chapter 3: A lil something I call Aquarius Mode

That September 2023, I decided to switch gears, especially after I was denied a promotion. I had just turned 24 and for the first time in my life, I said No.

No more overextending myself when I wasn’t being seen for it. No more trying to prove myself in ways that drained me. Instead, I became observant. I started documenting all the ways I was already a leader (the one skill I was told was holding me back in my career).

I delegated.
I said “no” more often to cut down people pleasing at work.
I mentored interns and teammates.
I created virtual salon spaces for us to ideate and problem-solve.

Once again, I was already doing this from the jump of my career. I wasn’t just doing my job, I was strengthening our environment, making us more collaborative, strategic, and connected and it’s effects showed.

And I wasn’t doing it because anyone asked me to. I was doing it because I genuinely loved it. I cared about my team and our growth individually and together. We never really spoke about it under a spotlight, as there wasn’t a need to do that, right?

This is what I now call Aquarius Mode: being the quiet strategist, the connector, the community-builder behind the scenes. No spotlight needed, just a steady hand on the wheel. And yes, I was basically running the group project without anyone knowing I was running the group project. I mean, I was second in command of my team, which actually happened a lot as our team leader most of the time was booked and busy with solo assignments.

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Chapter 4: The Grief Season

In the middle of all this, life hit hard during late fall 2023. I lost a very close family member suddenly. The day I took off to grieve was the day my teammate, one I’d been essentially training and supporting off the record, got the promotion I had been working toward.

I found out maybe a week later. Shocked for myself and proud of her, but I still showed up. I was working, going to school, running my Etsy shop because I was still living paycheck-to-paycheck. But I kept my boundaries. I said “no” when my plate was full. I took space when I needed it, and I communicated that. I thought I was modeling healthy work habits.

Turns out, some people were quietly keeping score. (And apparently, they weren’t keeping score on the things I thought mattered.)

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Chapter 5: The idea of being the “Difficult” one

By spring 2024, I was blindsided in my annual review. Two influential people had described me as “difficult” and “hard to reach” during the exact periods I had been grieving or dealing with crises, like when my apartment flooded randomly during January 2024 and I got sick from the event.

Those moments, which for me were about survival, were framed as a lack of contribution. It was gutting.

And also, in hindsight, a little 👀 weird to pinpoint, as if I just ghosted them for shucks and giggles when I did the exact opposite.

This review garnered the second time I was denied a promotion. And I gotta say, something in me shifted. After this, I stopped caring about what people who didn’t care to see or hear me thought of me.

1. I stopped trying to prove myself their way.

2. I interviewed my teammates one-on-one, collected their feedback, all glowing reviews (I have an NPS of 100% in case you were wondering).

3. I took the reasoning behind my failed promotion along with my research directly to leadership, with my work receipts and requests for resources.

4. When someone claimed I wasn’t communicating enough, I pulled up every email, teams message, and project update. That conversation ended right there. Then I was complimented on how great a designer I am. *still sideyeing this experience but now I can laugh about it lol*

And of course, if you know you know, the week I was told to “hold on” for a bonus and additional paid training was the same week our entire team was laid off. Life really said, “plot twist sis 🤭.”

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Chapter 6: The Real Lesson

Now, a year into running my own business, I see this so much clearer. I really was ahead of the game when I didn’t even realize I had started:

• Saying “no” protected my energy when the environment and the people in charge didn’t.

• Delegating made room for me and others to grow.

• Sharing opportunities out of care and support was always abundant.

• Asking for help was strength, never a weakness.

• My intuition was right every time.

And yes, I caught myself wondering if the people who labeled me difficult realized their complaints would be used as reasons to stall my growth. I wonder if they ever thought about what it would feel like to have those moments of human struggle turned into a tally mark against you. I’m realizing now that I find it funny how these complaints were used to deviate from a promotion, but never impacted my NPS score…

But here’s the thing: those tallies didn’t break me. They became like a syllabus, or like when you’re journaling and you become your own pattern reader.

They taught me how to lead myself. They became proof that I can build something better, and I am. And unlike them, I kept my receipts organized (yes I’m a bit salty, still working through that resentment). And I love telling my story, hoping it resonates and inspires others to tell theirs.

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Chapter 7: For You

If I could sit down with young designers, BIPOC women, or anyone just starting out from a marginalized community, here’s what I’d tell you:

• Listen to your body. Pay attention to your stress levels.

• Learn what self-care means to you.

• Learn to say “no” without feeling guilty.

• Share opportunities and delegate without fear.

• Ask for help when you need it (it’s not a weakness).

And if people can’t relate? If they can’t scratch the surface but you’re already at the roots?

That’s fine babe. No matter if it’s your boss, your friend, your mom, or a coworker you just met. You knowing your worth, your needs, and your boundaries will open the right doors. Keep going 💕 because it's your business ☺️

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PS: Under the Aquarius Full Moon

Today’s August 9th, the Aquarius Full Moon.

Full moons are often a time of reflection, a chance to look back at what the past month has brought you and decide what you’re ready to release.

Three journal prompts found me this week:

1. Where in your life have you felt the need to prioritize community over personal recognition?

2. What systems no longer align with the version of you that you are becoming?

3. Is there anything you’re ready to release?

My answers:

• I’ve prioritized community over personal recognition in my career and relationships - A Lot. Very on-brand for being misaligned from my Aquarius 2nd house placements.

• Scarcity and staying frozen because of what others might think no longer align with the version of me I’m becoming.

• Scarcity around opportunity in career. Fear that I won’t be understood when I choose my path.

It’s almost too perfect how much these align with the story you’ve just read.

So I’ll leave you with this:
What no longer feels aligned for you?
And are you ready to finally let it go?

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